I would like to thank Surrey County Council for their recent road resurfacing work in our badly potholed cul-de-sac. It was much needed, and they undertook the work with minimal inconvenience to local residents. It looks lovely. I would also like to apologise for some local people who couldn’t be bothered to move their cars from the road as requested before the work started.

Sadly, within hours of being completed, the road was being used as a drag strip by the infamous local ‘motorbike’ riders. As usual, they were wearing identity-hiding face scarves; most likely because they are embarrassed to be seen on such pathetic, silly little bikes. Loud volume does not equal power, boys.

A few weeks later, some local budding  Banksy has used this new tarmac as a canvas to bestow some genital-themed street art upon us. Given the level of maturity and skill necessary for such complex artwork, I would estimate them to be somewhere between the ages of 5 and 12. Among the beautifully executed graphics are several stylised willies, and what I assume to be a pair of boobies.

As much as we all appreciate the hard work of local artists, I think the finished product needs a little refining before being made public. Perhaps they should practise at home for a little longer, on their garden patio or in their colouring book?

Name and address supplied

West Ewell