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Epsom and Sutton superhero SOS looking for a sidekick
Gotham City was patrolled by Batman, Metropolis was swooped on by Superman and now Sutton and Epsom can call on their own real-life superhero.
A costumed crimefighter by the name of SOS has launched a crusade to uphold good on the streets of the two slightly less glittering towns.
SOS, instantly identifiable by his skintight yellow outfit complete with industrial ear protectors, has already circulated leaflets advertising his services in local shops.
The home-grown hero would only meet us in a public place and refused to reveal his “secret identity”.
He cannot project lightning bolts or bend the space-time continuum but he claims to have enhanced hearing and mastery of Wii boxing.
Speaking from a secret lair in Epsom this week, SOS said: “I did not choose to become a superhero, it chose me.
"I should really be in a retirement home but instead I patrol the streets in search of people who may need my help.
“I have performed many heroic acts worldwide while on my travels, too many to mention.
"Now I have arrived home after years of travelling, back at my birthplace. My mission is to serve and protect.”
He added: “My suit is quite colourful which seems to draw attention and the chicks love it.
"Also, I have a super scooter for getting about the place, although it’s broken at the moment.”
“I am interested in hearing from anybody – no job is too small.
"If your cat is stuck in a tree or you need help with the shopping, please give me a call.”
The rise of SOS signals that a trend for amateur crimebusters has arrived from America, where demands for an “active citizenry” are being taken to their logical conclusion.
According to the online World Superhero Registry, more than 300 men and women in tights routinely spend their spare time dispatching super-villains, or at least changing flat tyres.
Members must shun weapons and avoid being arrested as vigilantes.
SOS is now searching for a sidekick, with applicants invited to send their credentials to sosmykindof firstname.lastname@example.org. Good folk can call his SOS hotline on 07708 816180.
Does anyone know the true identity of SOS?
The secret origins of SOS
“In May 1959 when I was a young lab test subject aged 30, the month that the two monkeys returned from space aboard Jupiter AM-18, we were investigating the sonic bomb.
“I remember the year well as it was also around that time I became a victim to a horrific scientific experiment gone wrong.
"My only memory of the accident is someone from the lab repeatedly sending out a SOS morse code distress signal.
“After months recovering in hospital it was clear I had changed somewhat.
"My hearing seemed to be enhanced greatly and I could even listen to conversations happening on the other side of the ward.
“It shocked me at first but I learned to deal with it and even managed to start using it to my advantage.
"Also, I wasn’t aware at first, but as the years passed, I realised that I was not ageing at all and still haven’t since the day of the accident.
“My outfit was originally my test suit from the lab which I was found wearing after the accident.
"I have since adapted it into a super suit with gadgets including my sonic alarm and sound detector.”
• Holy heroics! Have you been helped by the superhero? Let us know on 020 8330 9544 or leave a comment below.