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Secret Curmudgeon: 10 reasons why I hate this island
So the Daily Mail has branded Ed Miliband’s father “the man who hated England”.
Blimey, join the club!
Here are 10 good reasons to hate this island of ours:
1. The climate. Goes without saying. So damp you have to wear arm bands walking to the shops.
2. The British Empire. Not all bad of course, but the principle of going into another country and saying “this is ours”. Come on!
3. The monarchy. Interesting historically – but paying for the current Queen to wave to people for 60 years!
Ever so ’umble maam, ever so ’umble.
4. The full English breakfast. I enjoy eating it, and then hate myself for eating it.
5. Tracey Emin and Damien Hirst. But surely pushing a stained mattress into a gallery is the new Caravaggio? No it’s not.
6. The Guardian and the Daily Mail newspapers. One left, one right. Both extremely annoying.
7. Many pubs still closing at 11.20pm despite a supposed relaxation in the drinking laws. Come on, you’ve had your fun. Now get out on the streets and cause trouble. Which leads me on to number eight...
8. Drunken twerps making many town centres no-go areas at a weekend for anyone over 30.
Ever taken a relaxing stroll through, say, Doncaster town centre on a Saturday night? Of course you haven’t. It can’t be done.
9. Folks who say: “If you hate this country so much why don’t you move somewhere else?” Hey, good idea. My parents are getting old so I’ll just jump on the first plane and leave them here shall I?
10. It’s full of English people moaning about England.
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