Marksman called in to kill Kingston’s pigeons (From Surrey Comet)

Marksman called in to kill Kingston’s pigeons

3:45pm Thursday 23rd November 2006

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A specialist marksman will carry out a "humane cull" of pigeons in the Memorial Gardens, Kingston's Town Centre Management announced this week.

The cull will be done by a private pest control contractor from Cobham as part of a three-year programme to reduce Kingston's pigeon population.

"We are also working on removing their food and stopping those who foolishly feed the pigeons."
Graham McNally

Graham McNally, town centre manager, said it had considered other ways of culling before deciding on shooting. He said: "At this moment in time, a specialist marksman will be used to shoot the pigeons. I can definitely say there will be no gassing and no poisoning. The cull will be carried out discreetly."

Mr McNally could not confirm when precisely the cull would begin, but it is expected in the next month.

Police permission has been obtained for the shoot, which will be carried out in the early hours of the morning. The programme will cost nearly £14,000, with half of that allocated for the first year alone.

Mr McNally said: "We are also working on removing their food and stopping those who foolishly feed the pigeons."

The Surrey Comet would like to thank all of our visitors who left comments on this story. Many comments were obviously heartfelt and others humorous and the issue has clearly sparked a lot of interest - but the debate has now been closed. You can read some of the comments below.

Posted by Christobel Young on 1:08pm Fri 24 Nov 06
The pigeons are part of Kingston - they harm no one. The council wastes so much of our our taxes with inefficient paving works that are being carried out in the town - which is unsafe - and I can vouch for that as I caught my toe in the pavement and fell over. It has taken ages to get better. What terrible action is to be taken when there are so many things that could be done to improve things for the town.

Posted by Martin Wildoat on 10:56am Wed 29 Nov 06
I agree with this action. Pigeons carry all manner of diseases like AIDS, malaria, rabies and mad cow disease to name but a few. They are also very aggressive and I can vouch for this as I was attacked by a flock and pecked severely while on my way home from flower arranging classes. In fact I would be more than happy to help in the killing of these evil creatures. Well done Kingston council keep up the good work.

Posted by: Stephanie Baxendale on 8:03pm Wed 29 Nov 06
Why not just round these flying rats up in a big net? Surely the council could find some practical use, for example setting up a tasty pigeon pie stall in the centre of town. I for one would be grateful to see these horrific beasts removed from the Royal borough altogether! They are a nuisance, and also the flying wizards of Satan. There, I've said it.

Posted by: Mr Dallinger on 9:57pm Wed 29 Nov 06
I think the correct solution would be to hack the wings off as many pigeons as possible before joining them together to create one large wing. This could be wafted at the pigeons by any member of the townsfolk when numbers got too high. Children could also shelter under it at times of heavy rain or possibly loud thunder.

Posted by: Norman Ski on 10:13pm Wed 29 Nov 06
This is preposterous! Pigeons performed a vital role in assisting communications in both World Wars and should therefore be encouraged to breed in higher numbers in order to remind us that we must never forget. Perhaps the money would be better spent erecting a large memorial of a Rock Pigeon or perhaps a Feral Pigeon - I'll leave that decision to the council. I don't think a Wood Pigeon memorial would be particularly appropriate because I don't think they did too much for us during the war. Other than food.

Posted by: Norman Farnsbarns McArthey on 11:56pm Wed 29 Nov 06
I say train the blighters to do an honest days work and to earn their right to live in Her Royal Majesties Royal borough. Maybe they could be trained to assist the police as they could spot crime while on high and report back to the station swiftly. The more aggressive ones could become a sort of elite police flighting unit that could intervene in violent incidents that are sadly becoming all to common in our wonderful town.

Posted by: jhona rantambore on 11:59pm Wed 29 Nov 06
Kill them with axes.

Posted by: Mrs D. Smithers on 12:05am Thu 30 Nov 06
I was once saved from certain death when a pair of woods grasped me by the shoulders and flew me from the path of an oncoming car. Now these feathered heroes follow me everywhere and they often speak to me too. I will be going out tomorrow tooled up to protect this noble race of animals and if I find the marksman then it will be me or him. I say NO to the slaughter of the innocents and am willing to lay down my life in their defence. As for them being the spawn of Satan, well, that is obviously a comment from a very deluded person, get help is all I can say to that, everyone knows they are God's messengers.

Posted by: Roland Runtfarmer on 12:29am Thu 30 Nov 06
What a lot of fuss over nothing. Everyone knows pigeons can't be killed, they are immortal and immune to bullets. Where I come from we worship the pigeon deity and never look them in the eye as this can turn a man to stone. I can only warn the gunman chappy that if he should lift a finger against but one bird he will incur their never ending wrath and more than likely burn in **** for his actions.

I would not risk it myself, it's just not worth it. Leave it !!! Many have tried and even the mightiest have failed! The only way that may have some effect is to tie them down and chant incantations while you flay their hides with an stout oaken branch blessed by a high priest of Nayhead. Mr McNally, the orchestrater of this ill thought out plan I say unto you beware the consequences of your actions against the blessed ones.

Posted by: Fancy Coo-Coo on 12:57pm Thu 30 Nov 06
I'm horrified at the very idea anyone might want to harm these gentle creatures. I myself was raised by pigeons after being abandoned in Trafalgar Square as a young nipper. Therefore I know how noble and generous a species they really are. If anyone were to kill a pigeon in this way, it would be as though they are slaughtering one of my own family. It's murder, I say!

Posted by: Free Willy on 3:24pm Thu 30 Nov 06
I know what you mean, reader. I was raised by yaks but I'm sure the experience was similar. How about a council worker cull instead.

Posted by: Michael Hunt on 4:17pm Thu 30 Nov 06.
Pigeons can be very intelligent creatures. This is because they are actually bred from dolphins and can travel vast lengths underwater as well as through the air. I warn you now Council folk, if you so much as dare remove or cull any pigeon from Kingston or the surrounding local I shall withhold my council tax! I'm prepared to go to prison to save these beautiful specimens of birds so just forget it ok?

Posted by: Joseph Jacobs on 4:51pm Thu 30 Nov 06
What about dogs? Surely these vermin are more of a pest than lovely pigeons. Any dog seen fouling our beautiful Royal borough should be shot on sight. Great. Tiddly tum te de.

Posted by: Mr Snorter on 4:57pm Thu 30 Nov 06
Pigeons are kind and caring. Two come and visit me each day and tell me things. They told me not to discuss this with anyone so none of you say anything if they should ask you. OK?

Posted by: Mr Dallinger on 5:06pm Thu 30 Nov 06
My elder sister was held captive for nine days by a flock of rock pigeons on a small island near Malta in 1979 - it may have been Gozo but I'm not too sure. (Sorry about that.) As you might gather she suffers from nightmares and flashbacks but she has also developed a loathing of millet seeds for some strange reason. She is in full support of the cull and, in actual fact, she has already applied for the job and fully intends to carry out her duties as soon as possible - whether she gets the job or not. Be careful around town folks - she's not a good shot.

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 5:18pm Thu 30 Nov 06
Dear Margaret. As you can see I've finally mastered this email thing! Sue and John came to visit today, which was nice, and it was Sue who taught me how to use the email. I shall be writing to you often now that I have figured it out. Please send my love to Helen and the boys. See you soon Love Mum xxx

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 6:27pm Thu 30 Nov 06
Dear Mr Umbuku Please excuse any email fau pas I may make as this is only the second email I have ever written. Isn't it exciting? I was so sorry to hear about your plight with the Nigerian authorities and the subsequent demise of your mother, it must be a very difficult time for you my dear. My husband was saying only yesterday that the pond needed a new liner and the amount of money you are offering is quite staggering. Those Nigerian authorities have no right to withhold all that money, especially as it belongs to your family. Mr Dallinger has asked that I reply to you and confirm that the amount you wish to place into our bank account is indeed $645,00000? It does seem rather a lot. I look forward to your reply. Your sincerely Mrs D Dallinger

Posted by: Danny Delgado on 7:04pm Thu 30 Nov 06
I myself have never been attacked by a pigeon, nor indeed defecated upon by such a feathered being, but I feel it is my duty to point out to certain contributors to this discussion that it is no laughing matter to be on the receiving end of pests and vermin. Just the other day, for example, I was held prisoner in my own home by a violent squirrel who demanded I perform certain "acts" in order to regain my freedom. I was shamed. But the most shameful thing is, I secretly enjoyed it. How wrong is that?

Posted by: Percy Killen on 8:59pm Thu 30 Nov 06
I defecated on a pigeon once.

Posted by: Simon Jordan on 9:08pm Thu 30 Nov 06
This is a subject very dear to my heart. You see, I was a pigeon in a former life. I know a lot of people don't believe in reincarnation, but it's true. Though I was a different sex as well as species to what I am now. I was a female pigeon called "Susan". I'm rather ashamed to admit it but I wasn't a particularly evolved member of the bird family in my past life and I used to **** on people for fun and make loud, squawking noises to gain attention. I'm doing my best to make amends in my current lifetime, but sometimes old habits die hard. The point is, I suppose, that God loves all creatures, great and small and regression therapy might open a few people's eyes to the plight of other species on our planet.

Posted by: Hugh Jarvis on 9:46am Dec 1
Can I just say that this letter column is rapidly degenerating into a farce, a French one with bedroom doors opening and closing and men running around with their trousers round their ankles and fancy women pottering about in high heels. And what's that got to do with pigeons? Nothing! That's right! NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING!

Posted by: Tania on 12:15am Dec 1
For me personally, I will not shop in Kingston ever again (vote with your money everyone) and I also will be contacting HM Queen as she is a keen pigeon fancier and this is a Royal borough.

Posted by: Terry Squirrel on 1:01pm Dec 1
I for one will be pretty nervous while there's some bloke with a gun shooting at all the wildlife. I mean I'm sure he's a good shot and everything but suppose a bullet goes through the pigeon - what kind of damage might that cause? Believe me, tree-dwellers will be pretty nervous while this marksman's on the prowl! Don't do anything pidgeon-like, like dressing up as a pigeon. You could end up getting shot!

Posted by: Stella Street (Ms) on 1:41pm Dec 1
Stop, McNally! It has been proven, beyond reasonable doubt, that pigeons are an alien lifeform. Any attempt to mash them will inevitably alert their mothership to this atrocity, and bring fire from the sky upon all our children's heads. I suggest we wrap ourselves up in a family sized pack of tin foil - Nothing to do with the pigeon aliens, it just makes me ****

Posted by: Dave 'The Kod' Johnson on 1:45pm Dec 1
Let's just relax here - they're just PIGEONS, bear that in mind. They're just fluffy little critters who are cute and tickle you with their whiskers ... ah no, that's kittens. Sorry.

Posted by: Nicholas Cartwheels on 1:57pm Dec 1
Gas them like badgers!

Posted by: Bob-a-job Bob on 2:14pm Dec 1
This story is just a cover up! The real reason they are killing the Pigeons is that they are all genetically created, highly trained, radioactive killing machines. They are bred for the sole purpose of poisoning us all with highly toxic, isotope laced raw fish. Their sole purpose to re-ignite the cold war. You mark my words, the evidence for this will becoem clear soon enough. The end of the world is night!!!

Posted by Mr Mirkin on 2:26pm Dec 1
I hate them. Especially their toes!

Posted by: Kim Jon Il on 2:53pm Dec 1
I just hope the council don't get more than they bargained for. I have heard the PLF (Pigeon Liberation Front) have been actively sourcing arms from overseas and are preparing for a military cooooooo!

Posted by: Adam Damerell on 2:36pm Fri 1 Dec 06
I likes pigeons I do

Posted by: Mervyn House on 2:49pm Fri 1 Dec 06
OK, wipe out all the pigeons. And then what will the squirrels eat?

Posted by: H Aribo on 2:50pm Fri 1 Dec 06
I have heard that this is linked to the poisoning of that Russin "spy". These are not your common vermin pigeons. These are KGB trained special forces stamford bridge style poison pigeons.

Posted by: Bob-a-job Bob on 3:04pm Fri 1 Dec 06
Oi, H Aribo, NO! Your repeating (a bit like Pigeon Pie!)

Posted by: Hertz Van Rental on 4:24pm Fri 1 Dec 06
Is deze de weg naar Amarillo? Iedere nacht ik heb omhelsd mijn kussen dat dromen van Amarillo Droomt waar Marie die mij wacht op

Posted by: Mr Umbuku on 5:20pm Fri 1 Dec 06

Dear Mrs D Dallinger,

I have deposited the $645,000 into your account. Your kind offer of 50 viagra tablets would be most welcome.

I am also sorry to hear about the pigeon problem in your local area. For a small sum, say $10,000, we could arrange to protect these precious creatures.

Humbly yours,
Mr Umbuku

Posted by: Segley Farnsworth on 6:36pm Fri 1 Dec 06

I think it's disgraceful, the way that people are abusing the privilege to post replies to this article.

When I was young, my father would have given me the strap for behaving with so little respect.

Youngsters nowadays have no respect and cannot see that they are wasting hard working taxpayers' money.

I am going to write to the Daily Mail at once. You have been warned.

Posted by: Joe on 6:43pm Fri 1 Dec 06

Mrs S Farnsworth,

Perhaps I can interest you in some Viagra. It will help your husband loosen you up.

Yours,
Joe

Posted by: Rudolph Ucker on 7:27pm Fri 1 Dec 06
Zis ist einer zerious. Az spooken before ze peegin ov ze Britisher schwinehund Tommy Army vas a klein thornenhausen in mein schide in za var! You Britisher pig dogs do not know how to treet your glorious heroes! Ach it makes ein vish to schpiten!!

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 2:52pm Sat 2 Dec 06

Dear Mr Umuku

I fear a terrible mistake has been made!

My bank has informed me that my account is overdrawn to the sum of £325,531. On today's currency markets that would equate to roughly $645,000 which was the sum you had kindly offered to us.

I'm sure you've just made a silly mistake my dear but I ask that you rectify the problem at the earliest opportunity as I am accruing massive interest charges.

Yours sincerely
Mrs D Dallinger

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 3:08pm Sat 2 Dec 06
Dear Joe

I am somewhat surprised that you are still sending me offers for Viagra - 17 this week!

As explained earlier I am quite satisfied the with the staying power of Mr Dallinger and therefore I shall (still) not be requiring your product.

Yours sincerely
Mrs D Dalinger

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 3:39pm Sat 2 Dec 06
Pigeons pecked my old aunty Betty to death at Lourdes in 1944. At first we we were very upset but we can all see the funny side when we look back now.

Mrs D Dallinger

Posted by: yeltsin on 4:27pm Sat 2 Dec 06
Dont worry. we have ways of dealing with pigeons who have defecated from the KGB. we have booked with BA already.

Posted by: Michael Munch-Bucket on 6:44pm Sat 2 Dec 06
Perhaps the council would be justified in killing the ugly ones only.

Posted by: The Black Dog on 10:50pm Sun 3 Dec 06
I often linger in the streets of an evening speaking with the pigeons especially the ones who have those funny little knobs instead of feet. They have warned of a mass uprising in the avian population in general should the council go ahead with what amounts to genecide. Be warned KCC you will be judged .

Posted by: Tania on 12:15am Mon 4 Dec 06
Well firstly these idiots that are posting complete rubbish should have their posts removed.

There are also some very ignorant people out there who just see pigeons as pests.

A cull will not work - sure for a little while there may be a few less but that void gets filled by the remaining pigeons who will have more food ( people will still feed them belive me) and they will breed and the numbers will just increase again. Catch 22!!

Kingston Council should have contacted PICAS who give advice on non-lethal ways of controlling pigeons.

For me personally, I will not shop in Kingston ever again ( vote with your money everyone) and I also will be contacting HM Queen as she is a keen pigeon fancier and this is a Royal borough...and finally if I should happen on any injured birds that these idiot marksmen have not killed properly, well I shall be contacting the RSPCA to ask them to take the council and their dirty henchmen to court for causing uneccessary suffering to pigeons as in the 1911 Animals Act.

What rights do humans have over other species? - we are destroying the planet as it is so hey lets stop destroying some of the birds too.

It makes me ashamed of my own species sometimes.

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 9:18am Mon 4 Dec 06
Tania

Sensible comments only please.

Mrs D Dallinger

Posted by: Terry Squirrel on 9:35am Mon 4 Dec 06
The Queen's a pigeon fancier? Oh dear, what a comical mistake: those are horses , big flightless quadrupeds that she's a fan off. Pigeons are small grey birds who wouldn't get anywhere with Franco Dettori sitting on them. And there's never been a Dick Francis book about pigeon racing, at least not to my knowledge. And I'm a squirrel.

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 9:45am Mon 4 Dec 06

Dear Mr Squirrel

You appear to have made the classic mistake of confusing a horse with a Corgi. I do it regularly!

Having said that though I am at pains to remember reading a Dick Francis book about corgi's winning the Cheltenham Gold Cup. Perhaps Franco Dettori would be better suited to riding the corgi than the pigeon.

Posted by: Roger Boat on 1:10pm Mon 4 Dec 06

I find it preposerous that Tania suggests that we all catch 22 pigeons each. Why should I do the councils work ? I fear this proposal is dangerous, difficult and totally unworkable. She should have her post removed the silly nilly.

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 2:02pm Mon 4 Dec 06
Ufortunately for Tania, and possible several thousand Kingston-based pigeons, there is no provision in the 1911 Animals Act to protect pigeons. The act was introduced in order to protect animals and makes no mention of pigeons. Sorry.

Posted by: Rev Smedley on 2:16pm Mon 4 Dec 06
Mrs Dallinger you are correct there is no mention of pigeons in the animal rights act of 1911 and Tania is sadely mistaken, a case of opening ones mouth before putting ones brain into gear I fear. I know this because for many years I and several of my flock have been lobying for a change in this act so that pigeons are included as we forsaw that this oversite by the lawmakers would sooner or latter rear its ugly head. We continue our struggle and now we will pray for Tania too who obviously does not know the difference between a pigeon and an animal!

Posted by: Nigel boffin on 2:25pm Mon 4 Dec 06
I dont believe that no one has come out and stated the obvious yet. These creatures need to be put to use which is simply achieved by boreing small holes into their skulls (which are thin) and inserting microprocessors. These pigeons could then be forced electronically to write blogs and perform basic programming tasks. How nice.

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 2:36pm Mon 4 Dec 06

Dear Joe

Enough is enough now!

I have already responded to 47 of your emails regarding the cheap viagra and, for the 48th time, I do not wish to take up your kind offer at this moment, thank you very much!

Yours sincerely
Mrs D Dallinger

Posted by: Horatio Phtang-Phtang Guttershrub on 2:50pm Mon 4 Dec 06
What a wonderful and charming read this debate has been.

Maybe a solution to the problem has been overlooked in all this excitement.

Would it not be possible for Mrs Dallinger's rigidly endowed husband to humanely kill these flying rats by clubbing them to death with his viagra gorged tally-wacker?

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 3:10pm Mon 4 Dec 06

Dear Mr Phtang-Phtang Guttershrub,

I wish to make it clear that Mr Dallinger's 'tally-wacker' is not, nor has ever been, gorged with Viagra.

This is not the first misunderstanding I have had to put up with lately. In fact it is the 3rd this week! Only yesterday the bank called to inform Mr Dallinger and I that they would be foreclosing on our mortgage as a consequence of us not being able to keep up with some rather large interest payments.

Thank you
Mrs D Dallinger

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 3:23pm Mon 4 Dec 06

Dear Joe

Events in the Dallinger' household have, to put it mildly, been a little strained lately and, as a result, Mr Dallinger appears to be having some difficulty raising his stature sufficiently to meet bedroom expectations.

Would you therefore dispatch the 100 Viagra tablets at your earliest convenience.

Many thanks,

Yours sincerely
Mrs D Dallinger

Posted by: The Pigeons on 6:44pm Mon 4 Dec 06
We still here and we will aim at de head of de McNally dude. Be warned!

Posted by: Eric Lempelala on 11:53am Tue 5 Dec 06

Dear Mr McNally,

Please could you send some of your trained marksmen over to Australia to carry out a "humane cull" of English cricketers? It would be best for everyone, I think.

Maybe we could put a few pigeons in England jumpers and caps instead of the rabble who are over there representing our great nation, including the Right Royal Borough (tm).

They would look nice on the outfield with their iridescent plumage, and could provide a more attacking alternative to Ashley Giles.

Posted by: Arthur Aardvark on 2:23pm Tue 5 Dec 06
Do pigeons come from Peru, Peru?

Posted by: wiggins nolington on 3:53pm Tue 5 Dec 06
Do pigeons come from Peru ? Are you some sort of **** **** or what ? They come from **** Albania you stupid **** !!!

Now **** off.

Posted by: Nigel wise on 7:22pm Tue 5 Dec 06
Mr Graham McNally, you are very sick and need to be tied to something stout in the town center and left there for eight consecutive days, preferably during the months of october and september when it rains alot. During this time you need to be subjected to prolonged thrashings and taunts from the baying, angry mob that is sure to build up to witness your punishment. After this time you should be cut down and forced to crawl around Kingston making noises like the pigeons you wish to persecute untill your teeth fall from your head. You are not fit to walk the streets of our fair borough, you are less than vermin and will be judged when the time is right.

Yours,
N. Wise, high priest of the order of rastafari.

Posted by: Roger on 7:30pm Tue 5 Dec 06
I once saw a man goign to St Ives and he had seven wives, although one was under the age of 21 so she couldn't get in to the clubs. I remember it will because its not every day you see someone with 7 wives but they were all complete munters to say the least. One had herself dragging on the floor and not in a JLo way. I said "There goes the neighbourhood" I said to my cat which subsequentially lost its 10th life. Its true, he was walking down the road humming the post man pat theme when BLAM, the A-Team ran him over. I blame that Hannible, is he the one that al3ways likes a plan going ahead? Or is that Murdoch? Which one was in Police Academy with the boxer who beat the Russian who had the poisoning like in the Hindenburg film with Timothy Dalton? Thats Toy Story you think but no its not, as Woody is in Toy Story or the Lion King, I forget these Disney movies they are all the same, a load of **** with no point to the plot. When I watch them I cry, what is the point of a movie if you can't laugh? But then again I lost my muscles in the war which enabled me to laugh. It was a horrid war, between the Taliban and the Germans, needless to say those Germs beat them 10 to nothing in the first innings. What a game that was. I had salt and vinegar crisps in one hand when a ball came out of no where and landed in my lap. I said "Oi, thats just not on" and the man kindly put it back in his pocket. Although it was quite nice but it was a very funny colour. It was completely blue!! Well I was wearing sun glasses at the time from Dolce and Gabbana and I thought "Isn't that nice" but it wasn't. Anyway these flying rats are gorgeous creatures, in the war we used to sit in the trenchs and sing to them. I remember a lovely song which was a hymn but everyopne sung it, and everyone knew it, I sing it to this day but cry sometimes as I cannot remember the words, or how to swallow. My wife can remember how to swallow which is nice.

When I first hummed this tune they danced in the trenchs and got shot, thats the first catapillar I ate, but who knows why I didn't have seconds. These Pigs are **** nasty business they pull you over when trying to wank them off like on the tv, oh disgraceful it was but Rebecca Loos enjoyed it the dirty **** ****. It was lovewly to see you all so soon after the war, am I in heaven? Or is this a marmite sandwich in front of me? Oh look there is a man with seven wives there. There goes the neighbourhood

Posted by: Mike Woods on 7:33pm Tue 5 Dec 06
Pass that oaken rod, I'll strike the first blow. You runt McNally!

Posted by: Dr Millow on 7:40pm Tue 5 Dec 06
Dear Reader Rodger of two posts ago. I am a doctor so you canm trust me and I was wondering if you had been down to the woods laterly and if perhaps you had happened upon a mushroom or two and by chance eaten them ?

My advise would be to avoid this practice as it obviosly does not agree with you. I have heard that a large dose of LSD will nullify the effects of the mushrooms so give that a try if you are still feeling a bit odd.

Posted by: Mark Hawks on 7:51pm Tue 5 Dec 06
A few years ago, when I was going through a difficult patch, I was convicted of 3 counts of worrying pigeons in Kingston market place and had another 30 offences taken into consideration. For this I received 100 hour comunity service. Now the same people who prosecuted me wish to shoot the pigeons. Where is the sense in it all ? I would like to invite all the pigeons of Kingston to come and live with me, ah what bliss that would be.

Posted by: Nick Larter on 7:57pm Tue 5 Dec 06
I recall from my days studying agricultural zoology many years ago that one time honoured remedy is to lace pigeon feed with calcium carbide granules. This compound reacts with the water in their stomachs when they eat the feed to generate acetylene gas which combusts on contact with air and *POW* exit pigeon. Course you have to set the doctored feed out on days when it's not likely to rain.

Posted by: The knight wot says Ni on
I think the important questions here are yet to have been mooted; are these the european or african pigeons??

Posted by: Dingbat on 8:28pm Tue 5 Dec 06
When white settlers arrived in America, there were 5 billion Passenger Pigeons. By 1914 they'd eaten them all and the Passenger Pigeon was extinct.

Couldn't McDonalds introduce a Kingston pigeon burger?

Posted by: Mrs Dallinger on 10:09pm Tue 5 Dec 06

I fear they already have Mr Dingbat, I believe it goes under the name of KFC

Yours ever-so helpfully
Mrs D Dallinger

Posted by: Brian Pigeon on 11:17pm Tue 5 Dec 06
Got to be said - killing us pigeons is wrong. End of. Remember that stuff that went down about kids in hoodies hanging out in shopping centres? They never got culled. Yet pigeons, who aren't into mugging old ladies or nicking electrical goods - not ever - we get it in the neck everytime! It's not on.

Your pal
Brian Pigeon

Posted by: GilgaFrank on 11:23pm Tue 5 Dec 06
Burn them in cleansing righteous fire

Posted by: Lord Umbuku on 12:13am today
Mrs Dallinger, I am pleased to inform you that my circumstances are now much more agreeable.

I donated the £325,531 that you so kindly gave to me to the Labour Party and now I appear to have gained a life peerage! I was amazed that in today's beauracratic world I didn't even have to fill out out any extra forms! The peerage arived in the post last monday!

Your Friend,
Lord Umbuku

--------------- Lord Umbuku:
IRAQ Study Group
The House of Lords
Somewhere Up It's own Farse
London
---------------- This E-Mail is top secret and more mundanely; spelling punctuation and grammar free. (Lost those marks on the GCSE paper then!) OMFG we'll set the KGB on you for complaining about the use of semi-colons!

Posted by: Zomg Hacks on 12:14am Wed 6 Dec 06
I love horses.

I mean pidgeons, I love pidgeons.

Not sexually of course, that would be insane.

Posted by: Rolf Mayo on 12:19am today

I was going on an errand and for snorts and giggles I took along a basket of pigeons to release and let them fly home. I had a bunch of homers (not homos) and I accidentally included a dropper ( a fancy pigeon) in the crate. This dropper had never flown anywhere except in circles over the coop. When I released the birds I saw a bird fall out of the flock and then I realized which bird it was. I was certain that this pigeon was not going to be able to fly home from there(it was about seven miles from home) and I figured the bird was a sure loss. I was sad because it was my fault that this poor bird was lost and alone. I saw the bird on top of a telephone pole, and I walked over to it and tried to call it down to me, but it wouldn't budge. I went home, and my mood kinda lousy after that. This morning, I decided to try again to find and return the bird home, since I was going to be in the same area in the morning. This morning I went on my errand, and I released four homers, and then I saw another bird join my four birds as they circled overhead. It was reddish brown and white, and it was my dropper from the day before. The birds went through the same routine again as yesterday, which was the dropper flew with them for a minute and fell behindand was left behind, but the thing was I had located my bird. I went over to where this bird was sitting on a telephone pole (not more than 100 yards from where she was the day before when I left) and I started calling her to me and whistling. After a few minutes. she flew across the street to a closer pole, then a few more minutes and she flew to a wire below her, which brought her closer to me. I had my arms out like a scarecrow as traffic roared by at 35 miles per hour, and the bird fluttered off the wire and came right down and landed on top of my head. She made a slight scratch in my forehead when she tried to get her footing to perch on my head, but she was there. I took hold of her and brought her home, hungry and a little thinner, but safe and sound. I gave her a werthers original and a ride on my stairlift.

Seig Heil!

Posted by: Mr Stoat on 12:28am Wed 6 Dec 06
I'm laughing so much, a little bit of wee just escaped

Posted by: Jacob Dyer on 12:33am Wed 6 Dec 06
my name is jacob dyer and i live in bristol. it is fantastic. i sound like barnaby bear. i like barnaby bear. one time he went to france. i went to france. but some kid burnt my neck. i didnt like it.

Posted by: Mrs Beaver on 12:36am Wed 6 Dec 06
I think these birds are a pest and should be killed, I once went up the oxo tower and one of these birds hovered above me and i got my head covered in S**t!

Posted by: Gilgamesh on 12:42am Wed 6 Dec 06
I AM BARRISTER MOSES UKABANJO FROM LAGOS NIGERIA AND I NEED TO TRANSFER 35 MILLION PIGEONS OUT OF MY COUNTRY

Posted by: piston_broke on 12:44am Wed 6 Dec 06
I sometimes watch pigeons having sex. It makes me feel just a little bit less lonely and unloved.

Posted by: Reinhard von berfall on 12:46am Wed 6 Dec 06
Ve hav ways to remove ze pidogeons.

Posted by: Mr Bran Flakes on 12:47am Wed 6 Dec 06
I suggest taking off and nuking the pigeons from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Posted by: Lord Claptree of Challercery Hill on 12:52am Wed 6 Dec 06
By Jove! These little blighters are a nuisance, what what! I say we catch the little buggers, dip them in napalm, and use them to power the engine in my Bentley Blower! Now theres a fine use for a useless animal, what what!

Posted by: Duncan Disorderly on 12:56am Wed 6 Dec 06
But if a pigeon is walking forward flapping its wings whilst on a conveyor belt moving at exactly the same speed in the opposite direction... Will it actually take off or not???

Posted by: Adrian Mole's lovechild on 1:06am Wed 6 Dec 06
I think Mr Flakes is onto something. Taking the lead from T Blair, couldn't Kingston upon Thames council buy some miniture Trident missiles that could be launched from WW2 Japanese-style mini-subs cruising the Thames and, using the latest global positioning technology, directly target the pigeons in the Market place, on Queen Anne statues head etc? I'm sure the cost could be offset by charging tourists to view the resulting spectacular puff of feathers followed by a visually alluring small mushroom cloud. It might be necessary to require spectators to wear the proper SPF UV-filter sunglasses to avoid health & safety issues etc.

Posted by: Lord Gnome on 1:11am Wed 6 Dec 06
Dear Sir,

While serving in Her Majesty's forces in the Indian Raj in 1947 we encountered a similar problem with tigers. For many months they had been causing a degree of inconvenience by eating the local villagers. It was my punkawallah Sirjit who, oddly enough, came up with the solution, which was namely to install a number of tiger traps round the local villages. I feel that if a similar tactic was adopted in Kingston, then your tiger problem should be greatly abated,

Yours sincerely,

Horatio Lord Gnome

Posted by: Frimp Bottomer on 1:22am Wed 6 Dec 06
I'm sure the pigeons could be trained to issue parking tickets on the fly, as it were. Why, when I were a lad we used to look forward to munching on pigeon feet. Kept us regular, it did. As for that Animal Rights trollop, Tania, get a life, you brazen hussy - we know you love animals and there's quite enough of that perversion around, thank you very much.

Posted by: Chav Tat on 1:27am Wed 6 Dec 06
Could they not make some glass ornaments of the pigeons as a momento?

They could replace winged horses...........

Posted by: Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong, Mrs. on 1:33am Wed 6 Dec 06
Dear Sirs,

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the insinuation that pigeons are carriers of mad cow disease. Some of my best friends are pigeons, and only a few of them are mad cows.

Yours faithfully,
Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong, Mrs.

P.S. I have never kissed the editor of the radio times.

Posted by: Mr Dick Fitzwell on 1:45am Wed 6 Dec 06
The comments posted above are un called for, we have a serious local issue being thrown off track by the dallingers and the other people with their emails.

I am going to write a letter of complaint to my local parish meeting about this, it is a shocking event.

my wife is quite fond of the little fluffy pigeons, she likes to feed them, stroke them, and go for trans atlantic sailing trips with them she also told me she is particularly fond of me taking her up the OXO tower.

Mr Dick Fitzwell

Posted by: Blackadder. Catpain on 2:17am today Wed 6 Dec 06
I would like to offer services to Kingston council. Previous pigeon extermination experience using a mere service revolver, none of this rifle nonsense.

Just to clarify, they're not carrier pigeons are they?

A wandering minstrel...........

Posted by: Fluffsta on 3:27am Wed 6 Dec 06
Can I come along and watch the hangings of the pigeons?

Posted by: Bob Goatse on 3:39am Wed 6 Dec 06
Dear editor,

I wish to suggest that rehoming these pigeons would be a much more humane way to go about things. I personally have access to an enlarged space which I believe could accommodate several hundred pigeons. It's warm, dark and damp and more importantly mobile. If I was to visit Kingston then perhaps the pigeons could be lured in through the use of bait; at which point I would be only too happy to shut up shop and transport them elsewhere. I am sure that they would find their new living conditions to be perfectly adequate and would not return to Kingston,

Regards,

Bob Goatse

Posted by: Biggles on 5:02am Wed 6 Dec 06
Why not use knockout gas on them then put some super glue on all off the aeroplane wings and stick the pigeons feet in it so when the pigeons wake up and fly away they will take the plane with them.Cheap and green fuel....

Posted by: CP on 6:55am Wed 6 Dec 06
I say we should take off and nuke the site from orbit.... its the only way to be sure

Posted by: Gimpeh on 7:34am Wed 6 Dec 06
The private firm has been revealed as "Dastardly & Muttley Ltd". Mr McNally is said to be optimistic.

Posted by: Geordie Racer on 8:20am Wed 6 Dec 06
Why not give them bicarbonate of soda in a sausage so they explode in mid air?.....or does that only work with seagulls?

Posted by: Betty Swallocks on 8:27am Wed 6 Dec 06
As this chap is culling a few usless things that contribute little apart from crapping on the general population, could he shoot a few councillors as they fit into this category !

Posted by: Rat Boy on 8:42am Wed 6 Dec 06
Vixpy, graham@reading, fidgits and mybrainhurts all need to take a very long, very hard look at themselves. Pidgeons are evil.

Posted by: Pigeon master on 8:45am Wed 6 Dec 06
Would it not be possible to kill them with love? We could get the Pope, Gary Linniker, Esther Ransen, and that woman from Liberty who gets everywhere but whose name I can't recall, to stand in a circle holding hands and 'projecting their love'. Once overpowered the birds could then popped in silk lined bags for transportation to the Wacky Warehouse where the kids could crush them in the ball pool?

Posted by: twinners on 8:52am Wed 6 Dec 06
Pidgeons were invented in 1921- the culmination of an amalgamation of crows and warblers. The handling is sublime particularly when cadence-winging. Despite only having a budgie myself I simply know that a pidgeon is far superior to a sparrowhawk. Why cant I get my ideal job though? I don't understand it. It's not fair. I deserve it. **** country we live in

Posted by: Rt Hon. David Cameron MP on 9:04am Wed 6 Dec 06
Pigeons are misunderstood. If only we showed more empathy and understanding these issues would not be such a problem. Hug one! Hug one today!

Posted by: Sleep Envy on 9:34am Wed 6 Dec 06
Oi, leave 'em alone - they help me clean my car

Posted by: Gerry Francis on 9:39am Wed 6 Dec 06
No! Do not kill our pigeon friends, instead send them to me. I can then mould them into a top 3 Premiership side. I was Tottenham's greatest ever manager. They would never have won the double were it not for me. And I helped out on that pigeon film -- you know the one that Ricky Gervais did the voice for. He's funny isn't he and he does like a pigeon. Dawn! It's funny wehn he says that. And mnem-mneh, that song like the muppets. That was actually based on some pigeons I loaned Ricky one week when he was feeling down and his career was not taknig off. So, you know, Pigeons are responsible for The Office.

Posted by: Charles \'Charlie\' Charles on 9:52am Wed 6 Dec 06
References to the 'OXO tower' are frankly disturbing. We're discussing a life and death situation of living creatures, and hooligan on here are talking about taking it up t'other. Horrific.

Posted by: frazer guest on 9:54am Wed 6 Dec 06
Mrs Dallinger, you are wanted on p1stonheads asap please. you are our hero.

Posted by: Daisy the Cow on 10:09am Wed 6 Dec 06
Moo

Posted by: Bobby Mugabe on 10:10am Wed 6 Dec 06
Death to the imperialist running dog capitalist scum of Kingston council! Long live our feathered quantum physics loving. friends!

Morning p&p :p

Posted by: Mr P. Fancier on 10:12am Wed 6 Dec 06
Start a pigeon cull and you will only force them underground. Like flying rats in the sewers ! I should know - I frequent several pigeon chat rooms. I even once dated a lovely wood pigeon from Croydon I met on www.hotpigeonchat.com. She was a model or something, all skin and bone. Never got the chance to take her up the OXO tower mind you. Left me for a bloody squirrel. Typical.

Posted by: General Pigeon. on 10:16am Wed 6 Dec 06
Dear Mr. McNally,

You cannot destroy us. We too much strong.

All your borough are belong to us.

You Will Die!

Posted by: Mrs Long Distance Clara on 10:17am Wed 6 Dec 06
If you lived, in Pigeon Street,
Here are the people you could meet,
Here are the people who would say,
Hello, goodbye, hello, goodbye, everyday.
If you lived, in Pigeon Street,
Here are the people you could meet,
Here are the people who would share
The sights, the sounds, the air, where...,
Pigeons beat, their wings wings beat,
Pigeons beat, their wings wings beat,
To meet in Pigeon Street.

Posted by: Mrs. Trellis - North Wales on 10:18am Wed 6 Dec 06
For goodness sake I do which the council would see sense for once. Think of the commercial possibilities. Not only could they encourage tourism but remove the flying rats once and for all.

How is this achieved. Simple. Organised Pigeon Shooting for those bloodthirsty 12-bore owners who can't be @rsed to shift themselves down to there 12 acre second home in Wiltshire to slaughter pheasant.

Discounts should apply for Children under-8 and OAPs.

Posted by: Mr P. Gin on 10:20am Wed 6 Dec 06
Coo coo Coo Coo

Posted by: pigeonted on 10:22am Wed 6 Dec 06
Oi you lot!

Come back or you'll all be barred! (and feathered)

Posted by: James Bstard on 10:23am Wed 6 Dec 06
Surely someone must see the sensible route here: feed the disease ridden pigeons to the homeless, once the pigeons are all eaten then feed the homeless to the poor and then the poor people to the old people...

then the old people to the estate agents, the estate agents to the council workers etc etc...

it's a far better way of ridding ourselves of the unless parts of society than the mutant stargoat plan...

Posted by: Mrs Pigeon on 10:25am Wed 6 Dec 06
Removing the food will not deter us ! I did the shopping last week and got lots of buy on get one free deals on millet and sunflower seeds. General Pigeon, when you're done saving our species, stop off at the shop for some milk on the way home. The Resistance is having a meeting here later.

Posted by: Mr D Dasterdly on 10:30am Wed 6 Dec 06
Muttley you snickering floppy eared hound,
When courage is needed, you're never around!
Those medals you wear on your moth-eaten chest,
Should be there for bungling at which you are best!
So, Stop The Pigeon, Stop The Pigeon,
Stop The Pigeon, Stop The Pigeon,
Stop The Pigeon, Stop The Pigeon
Stop that Pigeon How ?
Nab him - jab him - tab him - grab him,
Stop that pigeon now!

Posted by: Wayne Scales on 10:36am Wed 6 Dec 06
On a serious note - I don't consider it acceptable to propose the wholesale slaughter of these pigeons. Some of them could be quite decent fellows. They should be interviewed individually, put at ease perhaps given a nice warm glass of flat beer which is the British drink not that fizzy cold cat's pee that the Ozzies drink, although they do seem to have grasped the concept of a decent 2nd innings. What was Peterson thinking of? Concentrate old man - concentrate. Where was I? Oh yes. If they can't sing Rule Brittania - Off with their heads!!
I hope this helps.

Posted by: Derek Acora on 10:37am Wed 6 Dec 06
Why not introduce a colony of ferrel cats to the town centre? have you ever seen any pigeons at the Acropolis?

Posted by: Petra l'ead on 10:40am Wed 6 Dec 06
Could Mr Mcnally please contact me asap, as I believe he could prove of great assistance to my latest business venture, a chain of fast food shops under the banner 'KFP'

Posted by: Reg Gaeboy on 10:58am Wed 6 Dec 06
I say we let the governing bodies of Jamaica sort out their own vermin problems. maybe UB40 could re-release "kingston town" to raise awareness

Posted by: Peter Dove on 11:01am Wed 6 Dec 06
I simply cannot believe that so many people are pigeonist. Pigeons perform a vital role within today's society and should not be treated as vermin. Love pigeons. Love yourself.

Peter

Posted by: Tonly Blair on 11:06am Wed 6 Dec 06
This is not politically correct, most of the pigeons are islamic pigeons and have flown through 12 neutral countries to claim asylum in England. I say let them all claim benefit, house them and let them work on our underground system, its only fair after all the true British pigeon's are all getting **** on by the gov and flying off to live in Spain

Posted by: Tofu lover on 11:12am Wed 6 Dec 06
It is common knowledge that pigeons and their kind are responsible for climate change. Flying around at all speeds without a care in the world. I say get rid of pigeons!! This will solve the speed problem in our youngsters and almost halve the methane output. We could also use the scrapings for fuel. Maybe cars could run on pigeon poo!?

How many BPP( brake pigeon power) could we get per pigeon?

Posted by: Major Clanger on 11:13am Wed 6 Dec 06
Have you ever seen pigeons on the moon? No, I didn't think so! Yet more proof that the so-called moon landing was faked- if you look closely at Neil Armstrong's left shoulder you can see that there are traces of pigeon faecal matter on it. It's a conspiracy and the pigeons are part of it. **** them, **** them all- with shotguns!

Posted by: Brick Tamland on 11:15am Wed 6 Dec 06
LOUD NOISES!

Posted by: Bruciebabe on 11:26am Wed 6 Dec 06
This was funny till it was taken over by the nasty smartarses from pissheads. A cull there would be better for society than killing pigeons.

Posted by: Gary Barlow on 11:40am Wed 6 Dec 06
Gas them like badgers!

Posted by: That Man Off T' Telly on 11:46am Wed 6 Dec 06
Woooo! I am ye ghost of ye olde pig-eon of Kingston! As seen knocking on walls in Most Haunted on LivingTV! If ye kill my fellow pigeon brethren - woooo! - ye Armies of The Dead Pigeons shall rise up against ye! Wooo! And take over THE WORLD - wwwooooo ha ha ha HA!!!

Posted by: Vance Cleft on 11:57am Wed 6 Dec 06
Why not genetically engineer half of them to be cats, hey-presto, problem solved.

Posted by: Alastair on 12:11pm Wed 6 Dec 06
I think you're all being very silly indeed.

If I ever meet any of you I will pull the bobbles from your hats and eat them, just to show you that you're not allowed to talk about irrelevant things on important local news sites.

So there. Poo to you.

Posted by: Ted furrey on 12:11pm Wed 6 Dec 06
PLEASE DO NOT HURT THE CHICKENS, THEY LAY EGGS.

Posted by: Thebear on 12:16pm Wed 6 Dec 06
Dear Sir,

Please send all the pigeons to me and I'll look after them

Yours sincerely

Ernest Trousers MD The Happy Holiday Home for Pigeons Pie Company Ltd.

Posted by: Pigeon's Law on 12:24pm Wed 6 Dec 06
I think it is is now time that we adopted a Sarah's Law/Megan's Law for pigeon identification in the UK. If we do not now where these persistent poopers live how can we protect our children?

Posted by: Gypsy Sidearm on 12:27pm Wed 6 Dec 06
Napalm Kingston, job done.
:-)

Posted by: Alastair Campbell on 12:28pm Wed 6 Dec 06
Gas them like badgers!

Posted by: Tasha Nelson on 12:31pm Wed 6 Dec 06
Surely hitting them with spades would be cheaper than a marksman? You could get children from the local primary schools to do it, or maybe criminals on community service.

Posted by: Gypsy Sidearm on 12:31pm Wed 6 Dec 06
Gas the whole borough..sorted..

Posted by: Scutch McCliosport on 12:33pm Wed 6 Dec 06
This is preposterous!!
The council's plans are almost as unfunny as my jokes.

Posted by: Jason Aughton on 12:41pm Wed 6 Dec 06
We should all calm down and discuss this over some freshly boiled shallots while listening to obscure punk rock bands from the 80's.

Jason Aughton
Friend of the Feathered

Posted by: Ivanna Goodhump on 12:42pm Wed 6 Dec 06
Plutonium 210 will sort them all out

Ivanna Goodhump

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Your Say YourComet

Christobel Young, says...
1:08pm Fri 24 Nov 06

The pigeons are part of Kingston - they harm no-one. The Council wastes so much of our our taxes with inefficient paving works that are being carried out in the town - which is unsafe - and I can vouch for that as I caught my toe in the pavementand fell over. It has taken ages to get better. What terrible action taken when there are so many things that could be done to improve things for the town.